- my iParenting
- quick clicks
- dads today articles
- dads today q&a
- message boards
- research baby names
- prepare a birth plan
- content channels
- ip channel rss feeds
- read birth stories
- read parenting stories
- recommended books
- e-newsletters
- safety recalls
- ip diaries
- ip store
- mom of the month
- dad of the month
- editor's letter
- letters to the editor
 |
- e-newsletters
- Sign up to receive our free weekly e-newsletters
- award-winning products
The iParenting Media Awards program helps parents find the best products for their families.
10 Ways to Help Kids to Really Say No and Buck Peer Pressure
An Excerpt from Nobody Likes Me, Everybody Hates Me: The Top 25 Friendship Problems and How to Solve Them
By Michele Borba
"What were you thinking?" "But didn't you tell the kids it wasn't right?" "You did what?" Are you concerned that your kid always seems to go along with the crowd? Does she have a tough time speaking up and letting her opinions be known? Have you noticed that your child can be easily swayed to do what the other kids want?
Some kids may call him a "wimp" or a "scaredy cat"; your terms may be more along the lines of submissive, follower or even push over. This may not seem like such a big deal now, but peer pressure gets nothing but tougher as kids get older. After all, if he has a tough time saying "no" to the tamer dilemmas of younger kids, fast forward your concerns to the kinds of wilder, scarier issues he may face later.
And there is cause for some concern. A Time/Nickelodeon survey of 991 kids ages 9 to 14 reveals 36 percent feel pressure from peers to smoke marijuana, 40 percent feel pressure to have sex, 36 percent feel pressure to shoplift and four out of 10 feel pressure to drink.
Here's the good news though: Assertive skills can be taught to kids. Though it is never too late, the sooner parents start boosting this friendship skill builder, the greater your child's confidence will be in social settings and the easier you'll sleep. Here are a few strategies from my book you can use to help your child buck the negative peer pressure and stand up to peers.
- Bring the issue into the open. If your kid is suffering from a lack of assertive skills, it may be very hard for him to talk about this problem, so take the lead. "I noticed during play group today Johnny told you to throw sand in the sink, and you did it. You know better. So let's talk about why you went along." "You know Rene's house is off limits, but you went along with the group anyway. You have to learn to stand up to your friends and do what you know is right."
