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Baby Bonding

Dads and Their Newborns

By Cara J. Stevens

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For an expectant parent, life is full of potentials and possibilities. Future dads and moms imagine themselves as parents, molding and shaping a young life. Often, that rush of anticipation goes through a complete transformation when new parents come face to face with a tiny, unfamiliar person. The reality doesn't just set in – it hits with full force for moms and dads alike.

"About half of all parents, male and female, don't have any particular fond feelings for their babies when they're born," says Dr. Armin Brock, author of The New Father: A Dad's Guide to the First Year (Abbeville Press, 1997). "We're constantly fed the idea that we fall in love with our babies immediately, and most people don't."

But somehow, it seems that new mothers take to motherhood much more naturally than new dads to fatherhood. "The difference often begins with the level of expectations," says Dr. Brock. "If you ask an expectant mother to describe herself with a baby, she can do that with no problem – she'll often describe bathing, feeding or dressing the newborn. If you ask an expectant father, he will describe himself in more of a parenting role – taking walks on the beach or playing catch."

When dads are faced with the reality of the baby and don't get any kind of a response or recognition when the baby is born, they often feel rejected. "Expectant fathers are surprised when you tell them that the first couple of months the baby is kind of a blob," says Dr. Ron Klinger, founder of the Center for Successful Fathering and author of the upcoming book, Preparing for Successful Fathering. "You get a baby who just needs to eat and sleep and that's essentially it."


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