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Home › Articles › Parenting Strategies › When Santa's Suddenly Single

When Santa's Suddenly Single

By Rebecca Valentine

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The stress of the holiday season is tough: juggling busy schedules, visiting family and friends, shopping, decorating and entertaining. And if you suddenly find yourself facing it alone -- because of death, divorce or separation -- the season of giving can become the season of grieving.

"My wife left in September. That first holiday, I was emotionally numb," says Steve Klein* of Fort Collins, Colo. "I did spend time with my boys on Christmas, which was helpful." His sons, then ages 5 and 1 1/2, questioned their father about that first Christmas alone. "I found that simple, honest answers to their questions were what they needed most from me," Klein says.

Making a snowman.

Good Grief
Regardless of the reason, the man finding himself unexpectedly single during the holidays is going to experience a sense of loss, says family therapist Ronald Huxley of Fresno, Calif. "Realize there's going to be some grieving. Don't let anxiety set in; grieving is normal," he says. "We tend to think of grieving as a negative thing, but it's actually a positive process. It allows us to heal emotionally and psychologically so we can move forward."

But don't buy into the myth that grief lasts for only a year, warns Diane Schott, a family counselor in Greeley, Colo. "One of the great myths about grief is that it's supposed to be over in about a year. For most of us, we only begin to really feel our grief after the first year because most of the first year is spent in different forms of shock and denial over the loss, especially of a spouse."

Coaxing Christmas Cheer
Regardless of the cause of your sudden singleness, there are ways to capture some Christmas cheer in the midst of your sorrow.

If you are a widower and this is your first Christmas without your wife, you can find ways to honor her memory, Huxley says. Listen to her favorite song, prepare her favorite meal, or participate in an activity the two of you used to share. It can be as simple as caroling or going on a sleigh ride.

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